Post Traumatic Ultra Disorder

I am now thinking that if I had confirmed how long I had at the check point before the cut off, perhaps I could have sorted myself out and continued. If I could put on 2KG of coke that would surely have to have helped. Perhaps if I had entered the CP with the attitude of not pulling but taking a break my mindset might have been better... I could have eaten a mountain of watermelon and then drank some water, got some gels in and maybe it would have been enough to get me up and moving again... Did I pull the pin too early? I know at the moment that I arrived at CP2 I could not have gone on but what about an hour later? By the time the CP closed and I got a lift to Yarramalong I was feeling better... Enough to run hard and up technical trail and hill? Maybe, maybe not.

I think that the rain and wind and cold would have suited me later in the race had I been able to continue. I love that sort of weather for running. I am disappointed and its hard to get over the fact that I pulled out on such an amazing opportunity. Surely those runners that finished also had bad spells and can I be so arrogant to say mine was worse than all of theirs and therefore I was justified in dropping?

I am now looking for another race to enter. I wish there was an Ultra next weekend... Anyway a friend is running the Coast 2 Kosci in a months time and I will see if I can't help him complete that. Perhaps something I have picked up here will help. Certainly pacing and nutrition are key.

As a final thought, even though I lost some weight, I wonder if it was dehydration or just the plan old lack of calories bonk? I think the 'bonk' because I was not overly sick. That means it was the same mistake that I made in Glenbrook. When it gets hot its hard to eat the calories... And that is what leads to the disaster, not the fluids. I drank 3 litres and must have been hydrated reasonably well. So the final lesson is getting those calories in regardless. Without the energy you can't run, but when it gets hot its hard to eat.

Symptoms of Post Traumatic Ultra Disorder - the desire to rationalise your defeat into a failure. The desire to race again very soon. The belief that given another chance right away in the same conditions things would be different. The sense of wasted training, time, effort and planning. The wish to start running and training even harder for the next one.

The final point to remember is that there are not really any Ultra Runners who have not had DNF beside their name at some point in time and although it is hard to believe a DNF will help in the future if you take the lessons and remember them it will. I don't know how it will with this one, but when I get that perfect race and run it, and when I am basking in the glories of an Ultra victory, then I will have to put some of that down to the GNW100 2013 - the ugly beast that knocked me on the head this year.

There - therapy for today over. Feeling better already.